There is nothing more important to an autistic child, in my opinion, than a steady social partner. Someone near his own age to learn from and play with especially when school is out. Luckily, Curt sees his cousin Jayden once a week and can count on the visit. There's good and there's bad in the pairing but in the absence of a sibling, Jayden is his brother. 

Anyway, Jayden is 9 now and on the small side compared to others kids his age. He's also a better athlete and faster than most kids his age. A Dustin Pedroia type. We've gotten some good photos of him playing baseball and football this summer and I wanted to share them. Because the kid is cool.

**Curtis attended these games but watched roughly none of any them. Organized sports as a whole are a very low priority.

Curt's cousin Jayden is A street smart kid with a high BS detector who enjoys experimenting with his cousin's autism and behavior. Jayden understands Curtis has a legitimate condition but he often can't resist the temptations that come along with Curt's adoration. Namely, how easy Curtis is to manipulate. Jayden knows he can suggest just about anything to Curtis and there's a good chance it's a go. A little whisper in the ear is sometimes all it takes and Jayden has an instrument to shake up any situation. The pair must be supervised continuously or bad things can happen in seconds. For instance, Curtis is willing to urinate anywhere outdoors, will launch a nearby coffee mug down the street, spray a hose into an open car or house window, sign up for anything on the internet, etc. all in the name of impressing his cousin. These things happen in seconds and this is only a partial list. Curtis doesn't fear or interpret the consequences in many situations like a typically developing kid does. He is living in the moment. Jayden knows he can get Curt to do things he would like to do but doesn't dare. Strict supervision is the only answer here.
Jayden also teaches Curtis a lot and weekly meet-ups give Curtis exposure to someone his age willing to tell it like it is. Curtis has a social anchor and it alleviates fears associated with Curtis potentially becoming reclusive or defiant as others with autism have. Curt takes a lot away from Jayden's experiences and pounds him relentlessly with questions that Jayden is willing to answer. It's not a perfect relationship but there is time for development. 
Curtis is gullible to be sure. How can he not be? He relies on certain people to explain to him what is going on around him, He has to take our work for it. If something sounds preposterous he will say, "Are you making a joke?", but most of the time he believes you. Here are 5 ways we've used Curtis' autism to our and his advantage as parents.


1.) Curtis will not drink soda- Curt associates any type of soda with something that will leave him teeth-less in no time. We got this idea into his head very early on and he can see dads cavities as proof. He will not touch soda and is uncompromising on this one. I hope it sticks long-term.
2.) Curt believes anything over a small amount of candy will make him sick- Yesterday he discovered a pile of Halloween candy at his grandparents house. He looked it over, shook his head and said "Look, I'm not looking to get sick." He only had one piece. What's the harm in him believing this one as long as possible?
3.) Curtis is a great weight loss coach- If you ask him to stay on top of you and not let you eat certain things, or you want someone to make you go o the gym at the same time everyday, Curtis is your man. He will commit to the cause and stay on to of you.
4.) Curtis still believes in Santa and the Tooth Fairy, etc. Again, why not extend this as log as possible. Hopefully no trust issues result from this one but eventually logic is going to take over I assume.
5.) Curtis has built a small fortune in change that we could use if the S ever really hit the fan- Just kidding, but I have learned from his ability to save, autism or not. Like, if a 6 year old is saving money, I shouldn't have that hard of a time cutting back impulsive purchases.


Greg, Dad

A recent article on Fox News reveals a study on what I or I'd imagine most other parents of children on the autism spectrum already knew. People with autism tend not to be consumed with what other people think of them. The article explains that concerns about social reputation appear tied to a certain area of the brain, though more research needs to be done to figure out how this part of the brain is affected.
Curtis genuinely does not care what the school populous thinks of him and has no concept of a social reputation. This one in particular seems like more a gift than a curse. How many people wouldn't be better off if they didn't care so much what others thought of them?
He isn't embarrassed about needing more help than other kids at school and he wouldn't be embarrassed if you caught him with his finger buried up his nose with one hand and a Smurfette doll in the other. The entire idea that people would judge each other for things like this eludes Curtis entirely.
Though he is still very young, approaching 8, it's difficult to imagine a concern over social status ever kicking in for Curtis. He has his own way of assessing people, often through very specific questioning, and he makes friends because he is always genuine and very easy to like. As the article states, he can have difficulty picking up on people's intentions, especially if they are using innuendo, metaphors, sarcasm etc. While I want Curtis to have the life skill to read people properly, his misunderstands, at least at this age, are often just cute and funny. His lack of consideration for social standing as a result of his autism seems like a blessing to me. It's at least one area where he is spared a lot of potential headaches.

Greg, Dad

Curtis spent much of his first two years in school learning the other kids and their reactions to things. The school work has largely been easy. He was reading when others were learning the alphabet and adding coins when other kids were leaning 1-10. He has the states and state capitals down pretty cold. Many times he has helped friends with their reading and math and is largely eager to help those he trusts. An area where he needed a lot of help however was reacting appropriately to different news and events in the lives of his friends. As an example, he once burst out laughing while a classmate expressed dismay to the class about putting the family dog to sleep. In this instance, I suspect it was more likely his reaction to an unsettling situation he was uncomfortable with rather than not knowing how to appropriately react to the news. Curtis learned a lot about reading expressions through the use of PECS (which Laura will blog about soon) as well as by conducting surveys. He was already a big fan of "Sid the Science Kid" and very receptive to the use of surveys. Very good show for kids on the spectrum. The show is educational but also follows a very tight format where certain things happen at the same point in every episode and the same songs are sung. Curtis found this predictability very comforting.

Curtis writes surveys with simple questions and Yes or No responses answers in order to determine if a majority of people in his class feel the same way he does. For example, do they love ice cream and the Cat in the Hat as he does and they hate rainy days like him. It was re-assuring for Curt to know his friends had similar feelings to him and was an important bridge to building relationships.  Curtis also writes out surveys for family incorporating questions he has learned to ask, like how was your day, as well as squeezing in requests, like going for ice cream. Here is an example of a survey Curtis wrote in Word and printed for me a couple of months ago.

Dear Dad
I am having a good day!
How are you doing?

Are you having a good day?

Yes      No

Do you like weekends?

Yes      No

Do you like me?

Yes      No

Do you like hanging out with me?

Yes      No

Do you love me?

Yes      No

Do you play with me?

Yes      No

Do you like rides?

Yes      No

Do you like rules?

Yes      No


Greg, Dad
Curtis

I’m not going to claim to have coined the phrase, “I’m having a weird thought about that,” nor am I going to claim it’s the best way I could have said Curtis was doing something that by any social norms is unusual, but it works for Curtis.  Anyone who knows or meets Curtis immediately falls in love with him.  He is charming and hilarious to say the least.  Because I care about Curtis, I have the responsibility of telling him if he is doing something that other people are going to think are weird to spare him possible embarrassment in school or other social settings in the future.  Curtis gets just as embarrassed as the next kid if something embarrassing happens to him.  He has come to a point where he no longer resists interacting with other kids to participate in solo activities.  Curtis wants to be liked just like everyone else so to help him with this myself and others around him let him know when he is doing something that others may not like or may find strange.  It all started when Curtis was going through an obsession with collecting coins.  He would stop at almost nothing to get coins.  I let a lot of these behaviors go because like many other activities he once was “obsessed” with I assumed this would pass.  One day we were in a convenience store when suddenly he was on the floor, completely flat trying to get coins from under a chip display island.  Needless to say the floor was less that spotless and I was horrified that he had his entire body pressed into it trying to get some pennies.  I had heard the term “I’m having a weird thought,” from another educator and it rolled out of my mouth at that moment.  Curtis was so caught off guard that he jumped up and immediately questioned what I meant.  While the idea of someone having a “weird thought” was challenging for me to explain and for Curtis to understand, it has been worth it.  Curtis has insisted from the get go that certain people in his life will never have weird thoughts about him and I have agreed with him on this point.  He also insisted that he doesn’t have weird thoughts about others.  After a few months of using the phrase we were on a playground where he saw one of his friends from school.  After several attempts to say hello to this child with no response Curtis looked at me and said, “Jamie I’m trying to say hi to him but he’s not answering.”  Seeing that the child was clearly not interested in the interaction today I responded with, “Well yes now isn’t that interesting?” “That’s not interesting, it’s weird,” he exclaimed!  I quickly took this opportunity to pull him aside and explain he just had a weird thought.  Since that day he has not questioned what one is or how it makes you feel.  We also have developed hand signals to use in public so that I could reinforce him when he was playing nicely with others or reassure him other children are behaving in unusual ways when they stray from the social norms he understands.  Finding a simple way to explain the complex thoughts we take for granted about social norms has been really important for Curtis.

Jamie, In-Home Support

Curtis explored emotions this year with a sense of eagerness and self-pride that wasn't developed yet in his kindergarten school year. Like it has been mentioned before he came into the start of his public school life as a scared, timid, observant five year old who had a invisible shield protecting him for seven hours a day. The most important thing I could do for him last year was show him that I trusted him and accepted him as is - I never pushed a damn thing and we formed a solid enough bond to ensure that he wanted to come to school each day and he left with a little more confidence than he had the day before. If that was ALL that had happened in one kindergarten day - I was pleased. This year (his 1st grade year) he came to school with more excitement and left with much more confidence. He feel in love this year at school. He feel in love with seven girlfriends, his "dude" friends, certain teachers and he feel in love with our bond. While this "love" may be seen as an ethical dilemma in my field of social work or crossing a boundary of some sort - I let love come into his school days uninhibited because love is better than bolting, its better than crying, its better than being confused and isolated and the most important thing (in my book) is that love is better than all the "rules" Curtis needs to live by. We shook things up this year and it paid off.

I was sharing this adorable story with a friend of mine the other day and it is pretty fitting for this blog entry. One day during art class Curtis's "BFF" (As he puts it and his "Jenny" in a Forest and Jenny situation as I put it) was terribly sad and came to me to share what had happened. School is hard, hands down. Kids are mean and sneaky and I will stop everything to listen to them - even if its just because their water bottled spilled in their backpack or someone on the playground called them a "Coconut Head" - either way, I listen. While I was trying to help out 'Jenny" Curtis stopped dead in his pattern art work and faced her with a series of important fact finding questions; "What happened??? Why are your crying?? Who did this??" - Once both "Jenny" and I shared with him that two friends from the class were being mean to her, Curtis straightened his tiny body and stared at them from across the art room. I encouraged him to help out his BFF and "do what he can to take care of this". Sometimes a vague response like that to him doesn't work and sometimes it does - on this day he was so driven by "Jenny's" tears that he swallowed his rules, stopped drawing his patterns and started to walk away from me and "Jenny" and go take care of business - he needed to talk to these "mean kids" before he added another line of color in his art work. He started to walk with pride, confidence and a touch of "what the heck am I doing?!". He got half way across the room when he realized his shoe was untied (A sensory thing that MUST be fixed right away for Curtis). He froze and turned back to me for some sort of guidance on this personal dilemma. I motioned for him to come back and I quickly tied his shoe and he was back on his way getting to the bottom of "Jennys" broken heart. Next thing I know, the three "mean" kids were walking back hand in hand with Curtis and the four of them had an intervention right there in the art room. I gave space to the conversation piece of this situation and wanted things to unfold without an adult around and without my queuing. I'm always really cautious as to when to pull back and let Curtis stand on his own and this was a time. Because of this "pulling back" approach I am not too sure what words were shared but Curtis saved the day in "Jenny's" mind and love was the driving force.

Caron, 1:1 School Support

Curtis is nothing if not honest. While this a common characteristic, Curtis sometimes takes it to the extreme. Like many other children with autism, Curtis likes to keep things plain and simple even if that means hurting someone’s feelings. This is just one reason you need to have a thick skin if you are going to be around him because if he doesn’t want you there, he will be the first one to tell you that even if it hurts your feelings. That being said, no matter what you will always know exactly where you stand with Curtis. Over time we have been working on the fact that sometimes his complete honesty can be hurtful to people, but this can be difficult for him to grasp because he knows lying is not okay either. He hasn’t quite learned that sometimes it’s okay to smile and nod or give a neighbor or acquaintance a friendly hello even if you don’t care to do it. Now that he is in school, these simple social interactions are even more important for him to understand. Fortunately, Curtis has spent a great deal of time studying people’s facial expressions and what they represent. This has come in the form of casually identifying emotions while reading books, looking at clearly labeled pictures, practice drawing facial emotions, and questioning myself and others about what X emotion looks like. Because he has had all of this practice he has become more aware of how his actions or words affect other people around him. He still second guesses himself when identifying these emotions and often will ask, “Are you mad?” or whatever other emotion you may be trying to convey. Fortunately, I have a long standing trusting relationship with him so when he does ask I am able to answer that yes I am mad at him and he knows that I will still show up tomorrow in spite of this. Perhaps his little challenges are his way of making sure that he knows where he stands with everyone else as not everyone is as blatantly honest as he is.

Jamie, In-Home Support

When Curtis was in preschool and receiving early intervention services, he hardly noticed his classmates. He had his favorite teachers who were more likely to elicit responses from him than others but when he was four and five he was feeling his way though the fact that he was expected to interact with non family members. However, he has had a close relationship with his cousin Jayden (pictured) since birth despite the very difficult time they have understanding each others actions.

Jayden is 8 months older than Curtis and has the street smarts of a kid much older. He has often been frustrated with Curt when he doesn't play like other kids and does "odd" things for entertainment. I spend a lot of time observing the relationship between the two in addition to acting as referee. Without knowing it, Jayden has given Curtis a consistent and often sobering education on how other kids play together. These two have sometimes exhausted me as a pair but Jayden's sense of adventure won Curtis over early on and Jayden is thoroughly entertained by Curt's sometimes bizarre antics. Lately, they are sharing favorite video game websites and showing each other new music on youtube. Each of those activities of course requiring extensive parental supervision or things get off track quickly.

Having just finished first grade Curtis has made tremendous strides in socialization. A lot of the credit goes to his one to one support person. She has taken the time in the past two years to foster communication with peers and stepping back when her interference is unwarranted. Believe me when I tell you it is important to find the right support person for your son.  Someone who is interested in knowing your child and doing the work to help him succeed. Curtis got to spend the last two years with the same class and developed real friendships with all types of kids. He has no concept of cliques and makes no judgments about anyone. He is attracted to the kids with big hearts and they are inevitably attracted to him.

Today when we are out an about and a kid approaches Curtis on the playground to play she often has no idea Curtis is autistic. He will suggest a game of tag or hopscotch and try to follow the rules if a kid brings up a game with which he is not familiar. He is still likely to look off to the side when he speaks and ignore hellos on occasion but we are a lot further along than we expected a year or two ago and he is making more social strides all the time. He is much more socially confident now and secure that he has some good friends who care about him

Greg, Dad

I went to the beach and played with some kids, it may not seem like a big deal...but it is!

Curtis and I spent at least 3 days a week at the beach last year (2010), and during that time he only wanted to play with one person:  Me.  I would constantly encourage him to play with other kids in the water, or play catch with a beach ball, or share his sandcastle toys when others approached, but he was so anxious and socially incapable, he would rather go home than be forced to play with a peer.  When a kid would accidentally knock over his sand castle or splash him with water, he took it very personally and needed a lot of encouragement and redirection to recover.  Although I love that he loves to play with me, it always concerned me that he had no interest at all in playing with other children in such a kid-packed setting.

We have referenced many times on this site how much Curtis grew socially in first grade.  Today, we went to the beach for the first time this summer, and he saw 2 of his schoolmates there.  He instantly ran up to them and said "hi" and when he began his sandcastle city, I prompted him once to invite the boys to join him and he went right for it!  Quite appropriately, he asked them if they'd like to join him.  One said no, the other said yes, and they began building castles and collecting shells to decorate them with.  They went for a swim and played ball together, and not once did I have to intervene in a social exchange.  For one hour of his life, Curtis independently performed social interactions that he was completely incapable of this time last year.  I got to sit back and watch him genuinely enjoying his time with his peers.  After they left he was so proud he could burst and he said, "I like playing with you Mom, but I sure like playing with my friends, too!"  And with that, he took my hand and led me to the water to go for a swim together.

Laura, Mom