Autism makes many things cut and dry. I can show Curtis why certain math problems have certain answers. I can count how many chapters are in a book that he is interested in reading. I can tell him the temperature outside at recess time. I can tell him where a certain teacher lives, the route I take to school and I can even link certain emotions to certain events but there are so many questions he asks that I do not have answers to - no one really does. In any given day I probably attempt to answer close to 100 questions ranging from very concrete to very loose ones. Curtis questions things that other kids his age do not usually consider. Will there be an Earthquake in California this year? Why doesn't friend "X" ever have any snack from home? What happens when you die? Why do people litter? What college will my BFF go to in ten years? Will you be with me for the next three years? and so on...) A question that has been repeatedly asked ever since his first day of school is the following..."Why do I have to put my hand on my heart and say the pledge of allegiance?"
I can recite him the rules of being a student and doing as others are doing in the school building, but that's not all he's looking for. He is often attempting to explore his limits. There are days he recites the pledge and there are days he chooses not too. One those days that he chooses to stand on his own, I tell him he's expected to stand, look at the flag and have his voice off and think of a "happy thought". The state of Maine is one of  seven states that do not, by law, push students to say the pledge. I do not think Curtis necessarily knows why he does not want to say the pledge or even why he questions it so much - but I think it's an outlet for him to have a voice, a say in some part of the day and I accept that. When the bell rings at 9am and all 290 students stand up and say the same five lines that have been the same lines since 1952 we stop what we are doing as well, stand up, look quietly in the flag direction and glance a smile at each other. If he starts in on the pledge, I join - but I don't make him.

Curtis questions things, people and events all the time. He catches you off guard, like when he recently asked if last year's January 15th was a Monday. He questions every "rule" at school that does not make sense to him. He questions the morning announcements and nearly every move his friends or I make. He feels emotions much larger than most seven year olds and does not have the developmental abilities to register the magnitude of where his brain goes on a given day. I think its important for anyone who supports, loves and lives with a child who has Autism to remember this. Aside from their behavior plans, their targets, their rewards and consequences - they have the exact same needs and temptations as anyone and they want nothing more than their own personality to shine brighter than any "plan" they are on.

I welcome his questions and curiosities every school day. Today he stood firm on the grounds of not eating a cupcake that one of his classmates offered him because he wanted to be "different". It did not make sense to him to eat the cupcake when snack time (every other day) meant the time of the day where he explores his lunch box that his moms packs chalk full, also telling me that he "wanted to be the odd boy out". However, I knew deep inside that he was drooling over that cupcake but was simply seeking a way to eat it that was a bit different than the other 18 kids around him - exploring his voice and limits. After I listened to all the reasons why he does not want to eat the cupcake I proposed that he eat it at 10:30 instead of at 10:15 when everyone else was and...Ah ha!  Curtis thought this was a clever idea jumping with joy as he was able to be different but still get his cupcake in. Social skill and autism sometimes involves some bargaining.

Caron, 1:1 School Support

A day in the life of Curtis at school never looks the same, no matter how much planning we have done as a team. This is a concept that we take on every morning with a calm awareness, preparing either for a choppy storm or a beautiful rainbow - really, either could occur between 8:30 and 3:00. The days always start out the same with Curtis working his way down his fifteen "target" behavior plan broken down academically, socially and behaviorally with expectation that I have formatted to match his classrooms plan and his own needs. For the first two years with him I had him "earning" his free time as long as he met his target - each target he meet a target, he earned 3 minutes towards his free time with the most earned amount of free time being 60 minutes total for the day. This year I decided to raise the bar with him, doing away with 1/2 of that free and taking away the "earning" component to his plan. Having the expected behaviors  be expected and the free time simply being there twice a day (11:45 - 12:00 and 2:45 - 3:00). At first thought this might seem counter productive for a child with Autism but I found that when Curtis was on a behavior plan where he had to "earn" his free time he would constantly be fixated on either earning it with flying colors or the complete opposite, being a rascal and testing the waters of forbidden detention. Once I got rid of the earning drive and he started to see that his free time was there every day, he started to just accept the day and the expectations. He is still getting use to this concept and and asks the same questions when he is tempted with doing the unexpected, "What will happen if I don't do this?" and I simple say, "Nothing. I know you will do this - you are in school and this is what you do" -  and he does. I have raised the bar this year for him behaviorally because I do want to pull back and have him stand on his own two feet with his classmates down the road. If Curtis is always doing something different in school, or earning something - he feels separate. Once he feels separate he tends to deviate from the expected school behaviors. This can be a downward spiral that is not fun for anyone.

This new spin on his plan is an internal struggle for me sometimes because there are so many things that I want to do with him individually, so many places I want to take him socially and emotionally that simply do not match with what a public school classroom can offer but I have to remind myself of my job, my role in that school and the ultimate goal for Curtis. It is a balance to meet and foster him as an individual but also keep the goal of allowing him to flow with his classroom on a daily basis. Curtis has met this new expectation head on and has succeeded. Back in kindergarten, Curtis use to make it in the classroom 30-40% of the day, now we are looking at Curtis being in the classroom 80% of the day and doing as the other students are doing, aside from his advance academic work we do - but even that is done in the room at my desk with the buzz of kids all around us. Yesterday was a day just like this and I made sure to tell him numerous times how proud I was of him for persevering in an environment that is a struggle. A big chunk of what I do is assist Curtis in being comfortable with the uncomfortable -  not everything is easy, predictable, planed out and/or happens at lighting speed. I would have failed at my job if I missed this crucial goal. Together, Curtis and I are learning how to sit in situation that are uncomfortable. I am pretty sure he comes home exhausted - that is a huge lesson for a seven year old to take on, autism or not.

Caron, 1:1 School Support

Curtis and I are on the brink of our third year together, tackling both the successes and the struggles that public school throws the way of children with autism. We have had our fair share of success and struggle, among them has been having my position get cut every spring due to myself being a "new" hire in the district. Because so much of his success at school comes from our solid relationship -  this news always throws us for a loop in the last week of school. However, it also gives me a very clear reality check on both the fragility of my position and my work with Curtis. Thankfully, over the past two summers I have been re-hired after a great deal of advocating from Greg and Laura, the school I work for, and the simple fact that the district can not do without an IEP position, especially one that has been so successful. I am humbled to say the least and always enter the following year with more fuel in my fire. What happens in the spring is, inevitably, very fresh in my mind the following fall.

I was taught in grad school that its the ultimate goal in working with my clients to "release" them some day - ultimately I want to work myself out of a job. This was told to me when I was in getting my MSW and training to be a counselor, however I take this advice to heart every day with Curtis. This may seem odd at first to hear but there is a beauty to letting go that is very powerful when working with kids. While I love Curtis inside and out, I also want him to not need me some day. I want him to have the tools inside himself to navigate the school hallways and classrooms with more independence and self-confidence. I want his friends and his peers to do my job and I want Curtis to feel as comfortable with his friends (or perhaps just one) as he does with me. I want Curtis to be proud of exactly who he is and I want him to shine with uninhibited happiness. We are almost there - little by little - and it is quite a sight to see and experience. Having my position cut every spring reminds me of this goal and makes me work that much harder to get him there the following fall.

However until that "letting go" moment arrives I will still be outside the school waiting for him as Greg drops him off in the morning. I will still be with him every minute of the school day either front-loading or pulling back when needed. I will challenge and support him, I will accept him as is and I will wish him a good night once Laura is there to pick him up at the end of the day. Curtis will have his daily targets that he needs to meet. He will have his rewards to earn, he will have his social groups, he will have his advanced math and reading groups and he will have moments in the day that throw him for loops and frustrate him.

A seven hour day with Curtis can be jammed packed. One day last year, I had him out in the hallway doing math that was a few years ahead of his class and a veteran teacher came up to me and said, "I think Curtis is the hardest working student in this school." I thanked her very much for the compliment but asked her if she would tell that to Curtis. Once she did - Curtis' eyes widened up,  he looked at me and smiled and then looked back at her with this look that could have said "Well, what else would I be doing here?" Curtis may think he comes to school to simply meet his targets and get his reward but there is something else going on underneath all of that that I am so lucky to witness every day. I truly can not wait to see him walk up the sidewalk on September 6th.

Caron, 1:1 School Support

During first grade, Curtis would come running toward the school full force in anticipation of hugging his "girlfriends"  who would always be waiting for him. The remaining members of his class tended to get the shaft in terms of morning chatter from Curtis. His classmates would be comfortably buzzing around the cubby area showing off games from home, sharing playground stories or glowing with love over their new shoes. Curtis could be found sticking to his daily targets and completing his morning jobs as every student had to do (Making his lunch choice, answering the classroom question of the day and putting his folder in the classroom basket). Doing the jobs necessary to get his day started off right.
       Early in the school year I learned that I had to be sneaky and creative in my attempts to get Curtis to socialize. Essentially, I had to put it these jobs out there as"targets" or "jobs" in order for him to comply.  That's when the surveys Greg mentioned were implemented at school.  While they were very format based, they were unique each day depending on areas of his current interest (Do you like fluff? Do you like Taylor Switt? Have you ever been on Interstate 240? Do you like basketball? Do you like the color Red?) - and others were based on his emotional state and/or daily reflections (Do you have bad days? Do you cry sometimes? Is the classroom ever too loud for you? Do you like to be a rascal?) 
      Without Curtis even realizing it, he was bonding with his classmates. He was learning more about his new friends each day and expanding his age appropriate ego centric mind frame little by little.  By October, completing his three morning jobs, he would find a survey on his desk with a clip board and a sharp pencil. He would then hit the class running daily with straight forward questioners and it was a beautiful sight to see him re-enter the cubby area and be among the class chatter. His classmates loved these surveys. They enjoyed the randomness of the questions he would ask and they loved his individual attention without me hovering.
      Soon his class was asking me for these daily surveys so that they could do as Curtis was doing.  I noticed throughout his first grade year that what started out as a "job" and a premeditated social interaction turned into Curtis having the ability in himself to ask his friends simple social questions freely and without his handy clip board and pencil in front of him. He was interacting without the previous barriers and without the rules that were once so crucial. Curtis blossomed this year socially - trail and error, patience, acceptance and love helped him shed his armor. I am a huge advocate for social learning. I have always believed that Curtis will learn more from his peers than from what I have to teach. I may set the stage for these interactions to occur during his school day but than his friends take over quickly and willingly.  His friends also have more patience than myself on some of the tough days :)

Caron, 1:1 School Support

Curtis explored emotions this year with a sense of eagerness and self-pride that wasn't developed yet in his kindergarten school year. Like it has been mentioned before he came into the start of his public school life as a scared, timid, observant five year old who had a invisible shield protecting him for seven hours a day. The most important thing I could do for him last year was show him that I trusted him and accepted him as is - I never pushed a damn thing and we formed a solid enough bond to ensure that he wanted to come to school each day and he left with a little more confidence than he had the day before. If that was ALL that had happened in one kindergarten day - I was pleased. This year (his 1st grade year) he came to school with more excitement and left with much more confidence. He feel in love this year at school. He feel in love with seven girlfriends, his "dude" friends, certain teachers and he feel in love with our bond. While this "love" may be seen as an ethical dilemma in my field of social work or crossing a boundary of some sort - I let love come into his school days uninhibited because love is better than bolting, its better than crying, its better than being confused and isolated and the most important thing (in my book) is that love is better than all the "rules" Curtis needs to live by. We shook things up this year and it paid off.

I was sharing this adorable story with a friend of mine the other day and it is pretty fitting for this blog entry. One day during art class Curtis's "BFF" (As he puts it and his "Jenny" in a Forest and Jenny situation as I put it) was terribly sad and came to me to share what had happened. School is hard, hands down. Kids are mean and sneaky and I will stop everything to listen to them - even if its just because their water bottled spilled in their backpack or someone on the playground called them a "Coconut Head" - either way, I listen. While I was trying to help out 'Jenny" Curtis stopped dead in his pattern art work and faced her with a series of important fact finding questions; "What happened??? Why are your crying?? Who did this??" - Once both "Jenny" and I shared with him that two friends from the class were being mean to her, Curtis straightened his tiny body and stared at them from across the art room. I encouraged him to help out his BFF and "do what he can to take care of this". Sometimes a vague response like that to him doesn't work and sometimes it does - on this day he was so driven by "Jenny's" tears that he swallowed his rules, stopped drawing his patterns and started to walk away from me and "Jenny" and go take care of business - he needed to talk to these "mean kids" before he added another line of color in his art work. He started to walk with pride, confidence and a touch of "what the heck am I doing?!". He got half way across the room when he realized his shoe was untied (A sensory thing that MUST be fixed right away for Curtis). He froze and turned back to me for some sort of guidance on this personal dilemma. I motioned for him to come back and I quickly tied his shoe and he was back on his way getting to the bottom of "Jennys" broken heart. Next thing I know, the three "mean" kids were walking back hand in hand with Curtis and the four of them had an intervention right there in the art room. I gave space to the conversation piece of this situation and wanted things to unfold without an adult around and without my queuing. I'm always really cautious as to when to pull back and let Curtis stand on his own and this was a time. Because of this "pulling back" approach I am not too sure what words were shared but Curtis saved the day in "Jenny's" mind and love was the driving force.

Caron, 1:1 School Support

September 15, 2010
Dear Families,

I hope this finds everyone having a smooth transition back into another school year. I wanted to take a minute to re-introduce myself to you all. As many of you are aware, I work 1:1 all day with a student in your child's class, Curtis. Curtis has high functioning Autism, which means that he has difficulties communicating and navigating threw the social norms; his brain inputs things in a different format than others. The class views Curtis as a unique individual but also includes him in all activities. They love playing with him, dancing with him, telling jokes and doing art with him- this class has 100% accepted who he is as is and I want to thank you all for that wonderful quality in your child.

Our days look much like those of your child in the classroom. We participate in all classroom activities and occasionally I will run a small group lunch or social activity with some of his friends. My professional and educational background is in social work so I am constantly tapping into many theories and practices to allow these social interactions to comfortably and effectively occur. Your child may have questions about Autism or my role in the class and Curtis and myself are very open to answering any of these curiosities. I have great resources that are both child friendly and informative and I would be more than happy to share them with yourself or your child if they are interested.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and understand the uniqueness in every individual that can contribute to an amazing classroom on the whole. I know that I speak for Curtis and myself when I say that we are happy to be back among this class.

Caron, 1:1 School Support

** Curtis had the same teacher and classroom for kindergarten and first grade. This letter was sent to parents near the start of his first grade year.