Birthday parties are often difficult for children with autism, ADHD, and Aspergers. There is a lot of pressure on these kids as to what is expected from them at these parties. The unexpected nature of the different party activites coupled with the inevitable stimulation overload can prove trying. Parents often struggle as well, sometimes from a staffing point as these kids typically have a hard time making and maintaining friendships at school, but also because the child's behavior is unpredictable at these parties and the experience isn't all that enjoyable for the parent either.

While Curt's birthday parties generally went well when he was younger, the past couple of years we have chosen to take him somewhere special for his birthday with just his mom and dad. This has been his preference and we've had a great time respecting his wishes not to have a party by visiting museums and aquariums to celebrate his birthday. But that doesn't mean Curtis can't throw a party. As long as everything is completely expected and as he planned it to be.

Curtis spent a little time each day last week planning a small surprise birthday celebration for his mom. It was out of character in that sense that he typically does not want to talk about birthdays and never parties. Things that occur just once a year are not things he enjoys. However, he continues to become a little more open to things as he ages and he took this party head on, planning every last detail of the party. He asked me to pick three things: East End Cupcakes (the best in Portland, ME), $38.91 in small bills and change and noisemakers from the party shoppe store.

With Caron's help he constructed hats for a party, cards, and a Wheel of Fortune game for his mother to solve. Cash per letter ranged from a low of a penny to a high of $8.00. Laura won the cash prize of $38.91 by successfully completing the "Happy Birthday Mom" puzzle, just as Curtis had planned. Curtis felt empowered planning all aspects of this party for his mom and has a positive birthday party experience to draw on for the future. Positive even if it did kick-off with Curtis unexpectedly vomiting down the front of his shirt and on his socks.

Greg, Dad

_ The week leading up to Laura's birthday was one of the most caring, thoughtful, and compassionate weeks I have ever experienced with Curtis. Having had gone through three years of his birthdays, his parent's birthdays, and his friend's birthdays, I have learned to be very careful in discussing these sorts of events and the expectations that tend to follow - but Curtis blew me away this year in his ability to communicate, plan and be excited about something that had nothing to do with himself, drawing roads, monkey quest, youtube or the goods in his lunch box. He turned a corner that was beautiful to watch and certainly worth sharing on this blog.

On the Monday before Laura's birthday, Curtis came to me and told me that his mom's birthday was the same day as his basketball game. I took this information and reacted with a "no big deal" tone as I simply suggested that we should eat some cupcakes at the game. Leading with that comment was easy for Curtis to digest - it had nothing to do with any expectation placed on Curtis and everything to do the joy of eating a cupcake in his mom's company -  a guarantee "in" for a kid that loves cupcakes and his mother. After he replied with an "Oh ya - that sounds good!" (but with a bit of hesitation in his voice wondering what other suggestions I had up my sleeve) we began to discuss some other things that we could do at the basketball game for his mom that would be fun.  We would work calmly together all week to put his party plan in motion but we didn't need to talk about it too much or with too many people, because after all, it was a surprise. Another sneaky move that lead to a success of a party thrown by a kid who has detested anything to do with birthday parties in past years. With cupcakes used as bait and the idea of it being a surprise as the foundation - we were set to create a fabulous 33rd birthday party for Laura. 

Shortly after these beginning conversations, we decided it would be best if we created a "How to Throw a Birthday Party" list - jotting down all the things we needed to get done before the big day. That Monday we created the party hats from a template online, Tuesday he created the birthday cards - complete with a birthday pencil from the school office, Wednesday we created his Wheel of Fortune game (in which he wanted his mom to win $39.81 to buy anything she has always wanted to buy), Thursday we created her birthday package and on Friday we wrapped it all up in a big blue (her favorite color) envelope. All of these activities were done during his earned free time - he sacrificed his favorite time of the day for his mom.

I was than given the strict direction to pick up the cupcakes at 5:30 and meet him and Greg in the school's OT room at 6:20. Greg was directed to bring noise makers and a tie to blindfold Laura. The birthday party was set to start at 6:25 sharp and go only until 6:45. We had games, music, food, presents and a small number of invited party goers (Greg, Laura, Jamie and myself). He wanted to invite the whole basketball team but to avoid it getting too out of hand and ending with complete over stimulating melt down - we agreed that these five attendees were enough because his mom would want it small. This was a fantastic way to exemplify what it takes to create a party, and done so in a predictable and scheduled manner. Curtis felt empowered because this all came from his heart and I felt lucky to see it unfold start to finish. 

As Greg has mentioned in his post, the party was a success and the five of us had a blast. I laughed, cried a bit, smiled and saw a young boy take on something so large with his larger heart for his mom. The party lasted 15 minutes longer than he had planned and that was also great to experience with him. I see Curtis every day live down to the minute on activities - he knows whats going on, when, for how long and most importantly - what follows. It was nice to see time pass him by without staring at the clock wondering what comes next. The party for Laura was all he cared about in that moment - that was all he wanted to "come next". And to wrap it all up in true Curtis style, as I was leaving he goes to me - "Well, now things can go back to normal!" That final thought was like icing on the cupcake - he gave, planned, loved, organized and worked so hard that (like all of us) he felt rather exhausted when it was all over but had the foresight to know that everything will be back to normal - his normal - by tomorrow.

Caron, 1:1 School Support